Progression of an artist- convo with coner -

Practical

There comes a time when every adventure must change the course of time. In the next few months I am taking my photography on the road and will share with you my stories; fiction and non, from airports, bus depots, hotels, back alleys, parking lots and rest areas.

I am comfortable shooting in the studio and it is time to take chances. Thus, I can only carry so much gear. I will trade studio strobes for natural light, constant studio LED's for practical light bulbs: you’ll be able to see what I see, street lights at the far end of a passage, a fragmented shadow casting light from a broken shade.

In preparation of this series of trips I am practicing with travel gear and things that will be available to the project on site. The following video is an example: shot with two 60w light bulbs and a Canon M50.

Moving outside the studio not only liberates me from the confines of four walls and modern equipment, it frees my mind to explore, dabble, and play. I invite you along on my journey … through the lens of my camera.

~ Coner, October 2020

Interview with the Model - xLumenx

“Let’s Talk About Risk”

Coner: How do you define risk?

Lumen: Risk is inherent in what we do. Knowing the risk involved and what you’re doing is key as far as rope goes

Coner: Is risk just physical?

Lumen: No, no - mental, emotional, physicality is a big one

Coner: Everybody knows about physical risk, just look at the pictures and an accident can possibly happen

Lumen: Emotional risk doesn’t just involve you, it can involve people outside your scene. Some of the things I’m into I don’t do publicly because of that, those are things you have to take into consideration

Interview with the model - Image collaboration

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Model17p3

Model: I’ve been working on shadow integration, and part of that is recognizing the areas of my life that make up my past, part of which is my Christian upbringing. I would like to explore the crucifixion of Christ through an image with you.

Coner: I try to stay away from religious images for several reasons, partly because religions and religious figures are an easy target for misinterpretation.

Model: I can see where a Christ image might be construed as cliché, but the reason I want to replicate it is so I can address that part of my shadow, since it’s a big part of who I am, and it’s become a fragmented part of my personality. If I embrace it, what it’s been to my life, how it’s contributed to me being who I am today, then I can move past it. 

Coner: Sort of like my process of recreating scenes from my past into images so I can release them. 

Model: Yes, exactly. By reliving the crucifixion of Christ through the act of art, it’s a process that frees me, it allows me to let go of the thread of my Christian upbringing which has been a heavy element in my life for as long as I can remember.

Coner: What if we do something like you taking a knife to your nipple to symbolize sacrificing your feminine charm to release the binds of beauty which is the focus on looking beautiful, a polished female image that caters to humanity because that’s what the young female is expected to be in societal norms. 

Model: I think there are multiple elements we can represent here. Using barbed wire will symbolize the thorns of the binds, the binds which I felt held me back from growing into the independent female I could become as suggested by modern society. However, the expectations of a young woman in my patriarchal Christian home was to cook and clean, bear children, worship God first, my husband second, and whose main role was to be a caretaker for the family in a way that supported the Christian ideal. By living that life, I’d be carrying out the ideals of their Christ, which would support me in times of need (hence the strength of the metal binds), but the barbs on the wire indicate the bitter sweet realization that my dreams of an autonomous woman must be given up. 

Coner: I was also thinking the choice to self-castrate the nipple symbolizes letting go of societal expectations as one matures into a woman, ready to take on the world from a self-realized perspective. She is letting go of beauty and charm and the lure of the feminine through sexuality, into a womanhood empowered by her self-actualization of personal development.

Model: I’ve been exploring the philosophy of dark emotions and a psychological technique for letting go of such thoughts is playing the thought out as fully as possible, writing them down, what would happen if we follow through, all of which creates order in our mind and helps us contemplate the thoughts for what they really are. Then we can begin to understand what they tell us about ourselves. A Buddhist technique is to label the thoughts, write them down and then throw them away, which gives us a sense of control over them. A believe that most of us can relate to is that suppressing such thoughts is like chopping off the hydras head, do it and a myriad more pop up in their place. 

Coner: So through art, we’re recreating those thoughts, living through them and acting them out, which you then can let go of.

Model: Exactly, to me the process of creating this image is symbolically giving respect to that part of my life through awareness, acknowledging and appreciating what it brought, suffering through the various phases, immortalizing it forever through the art, then letting go of the bittersweet binds that provided a supported and sheltered environment for me to grow into who I am, while simultaneously preventing me into developing my own ideals of what it means to be a real-realized woman.

Conversations with Coner - Tying Style

The two distinct styles of tying are mainly Western and Eastern. 

Rather than getting into distinctions between the two, my goal is to tie.

It matters less to me how I identify with the styles. Over time, my style has developed into what I tie today and most people consider me a western rigger.  

Lineage has a lot to do with it; who I learned rope from at the very beginning, even though my style has changed and evolved since then, if someone knows the lineage of my teachers, then they can see the western influence. 

If they know they lineage they can see the western. Also, because I tie with parallel bands and cinches that go across the body or body part, that style aligns more with western ties. 

Secondly, I rig for photographs.

I rig for theatrical events and things like that. In todays time that is often considered western. I do not do performances and I don’t have a desire to. Eastern riggers often tie for performances, to music in front of people and that sort of stuff. My style is designed to create an image for photograph or video. 

I tell stories.

Within the images, there will be tying but rope isn’t necessarily the focal point. For the most part, when I create an image that I consider a serious image it has other elements in it that are about storytelling. 

The most important part of the image is the story. 
The second most important part is the model. 
Finally, rope is at the very end

I will use rope in a way that flatters them, degrades them, makes them look weak or strong. With Eastern photographs, the focus is mostly rope - it is rope art. 

I don’t do rope art, I do bondage.

In my mind, my art totally comes across as bondage so the simpler the rope the better it is. I don’t want the rope to take away from the other subjects in the pictures. 

I use rope in 30ft, 20ft and 10ft sections and create piles of each. The idea is to tie with the rope I need and not have a bunch of rope I have to burn up. I try to minimize burning rope so it doesn’t distract from the model or story I’m telling. 

Between jute and nylon, I use a lot of nylon but I also use jute. It depends on the situation. Again, I’m not a rope guy. I’m a bondage person. My scenes and ties may involve chains, rubber bands or something else. It is about the bondage and not the rope and that is a very Western concept. 

All that being said, I do have some Eastern influence. My biggest reference to Japanese rope comes from photographs. 

I derive a lot of positions/ties from 1940s Japanese rope or even earlier.

Some of the early photographs from just after the war have a huge impact on what I tie. 

As we start to dig deeper into this, in the Eastern photography, the scenes appear to be rigged for photographs. A lot of them tell stories. They didn’t just use rope, they use wire and different types of things. there are a lot of other props, sexual props, and when the viewer starts to look into the details of the image, they tell stories, which seems to be similar to what I do. 

Weirdly enough if you look back over time those time periods had a lot of parallel bands and cinches as well.

Actually, there are many similarities between modern Western rope and early Japanese rope.

They somewhat mirror each other. The way I tie comes from that time period and a lot of my stuff emulates that time period. And of course there are western influences from when I started. 

Conversations with Coner - Jute Vs Nylon

One is not better than the other 
They serve different purposes
There are pros and cons to each 

Aesthetics -

If I’m shooting in a barn or someplace rustic or traditional and want the image to look or feel a certain way I’ll shoot with jute

Shooting with latex or black and the concept is more chic - then I’ll shoot with nylon

Functionality -

Jute
Is easier to tie with 
Friction on jute is better, the rope grabs itself more
Can get by spending less time not tying actual knots

Disadvantages - messy fibers
If the model is wearing black I’ll stay away from jute

Nylon
Is slick and requires the ties to be good and the knots will need to hold on to each other

If I get a new piece of nylon, I sand it to give it tooth
I’ll wrap the sandpaper around the nylon and pull it through a few times  
It does take away the shine and it doesn’t look perfect afterward, 
but it makes the rope easier to work with

Hands down nylon is way WAY stronger

However, nylon seats which gives it the impression it stretches 

What that means is, if I’m doing a suspension, I need to anticipate the stretch in the beginning

Finishing

When I cut jute, I finish a piece of rope with an overhand knot which catches on pull throughs.
Nylon on the other hand has no knot and pulls thorough smooth.

WHAT I LOVE ABOUT JUTE

Adjustable knots are easy
If I’m tying crotch rope or something with tension, 
I can tie it and leave it and it won’t slip

It’s easier and quicker to tie with jute which maintains connection with bottom 

Slip knots are more difficult to adjust 

WHAT I LOVE ABOUT NYLON

Super easy to clean, drop it in lingerie bags and into the laundry and it’s good to go
With jute I use the sun or oven heat but it takes more care to get clean

When I am tying onto a harness with an upline, it’s easier with nylon because I can use a larks head

If I have loose ends and make an overhand knot I can make a few loops
put weight on it and at the end it comes right out
With jute it locks down, adding human weight the knot can be difficult if not impossible to get out 

Nylon lasts a long time - I’ve had some 8 years and it still works fine 
There is no maintenance no prep work no oils required 
It will change colors and fade before I need to change the rope

~ Coner, September 2020

BDSM - KINK lingo

A

Abduction Play A scenario where the bottom is forcibly restrained and often taken to another location for further play 

Abrasion Play Using something rough like sandpaper or a brush to provide stimulation 

Aftercare When a scene is over, aftercare is the emotional and physical care that’s administered, usually by a top that is used to prevent more intense emotional aftereffects. Proper aftercare may be used to prevent a drop.

Age Play When one person takes on an older role and one person takes on a younger role, such as a father-daughter scenario.

Algolagnia Deriving sexual pleasure from the application of pain to an erogenous zone 

Anal Hook A hook that is placed in the anus and used for control 

Anal Torture Inflicting pain in the anus

Anal Training Inserting progressively larger objects (usually butt plugs) in order to stretch the anal sphincter in preparation for activities such as anal fisting 

Anime A style of animated cartoon developed in Japan in which some people find a fetish dressing up or having sex with a partner who is dressed as an Anime character

Androgyny Showing characteristics of both sexes 

Animal PlayKink where one partner, usually the submissive pretends to be an animal often at the amusement, training, grooming, and affection of the Dominant 

B

Bagging Suffocation using a bag over someone’s head as a turn on 

Ball Busting The act of inflicting intense pain to a man’s genitals, either by kicking, punching, slapping, caning, etc for his pleasure 

Balls Out Risky Kink (BORK) permissive and exceptionally risky sexual behaviors. Differs from typical edge play in that this type of play can have catastrophic results even with proper equipment maintenance and techniques, there is still a major risk present. 

BastinadoImpact play involving the soles of the feet 

BestialityHaving sex with an animal 

BDSM Bondage Discipline Sadism MasochismAn umbrella term used to describe a sexual practice that involves the use of physical control, psychological power, or pain. It typically includes the components of bondage and discipline, domination and submission, or sadism or masochism.

Bit A style of mouth gag that is cylindrical 

Blackbooting Using a shoe heel as an anal dildo 

Bladder/Bowel ControlRequiring the submissive to ask for permission before toileting, even training the submissive to be able to eliminate in the Dominants presence or while being fondled, used to foster the sub’s trust and acceptance of the Dom in the most intimate aspects fo the sub’s life

Blood Play Drawing of blood during play 

Bondage Acts Involving the physical restraint of a partner 

Bondage and Discipline A type of BDSM practice that incorporates bondage (tying, binding, or restraining someone) and discipline (punishing a submissive partner when they break a rule).

Bottom The person in a scene who follows the orders and receives the sensations.

Bottom Drop A sub sometimes falls into a brief depression after an intense scene, they made themselves vulnerable during the scene and feel lonely when the scene ends 

Brat A submissive who is deliberately uncooperative, topping from the bottom, pretending to be young, for the purpose of eliciting attention and/or punishment from their Dom/Domme 

Breath Play A form of play when one participant controls the breath of the other. This may include choking or asphyxiation 

Breeding This usually means having unprotected sex to ejaculation, often includes a breeding fantasy where the role play involves being impregnated 

Brown Shower see scat 

BTS Behind The Scenes. Typically an image captured or the activities going on in real life that isn’t captured in a staged photo or video shoot 

Bull In a cuckholding scene, the other man who is invited to have sex with the wife 

Bull Whip A type of singletail consisting of a woven or braided leather whip, usually longer than 4’ with a short rigid handle 

Bukkake Japanese term for a woman being showered by sperm 

Bunny Primarily someone who bottoms in a rope scene 

Butt Plug Like a dildo but shaped slightly different, with a flared base to prevent it from entirely entering the rectum 

Butch Usually a woman, sometimes gay, who embraces and empowers the masculine energy within themselves 

C

Camming Sex via the internet, with the use of webcams to view either or both directions 

Cane A thin rod used from striking commonly made of hardwood bamboo or acrylic 

Cat O’Nine Tails Whip with nine tails or lashes

CBT Cock and ball torture, the act of inflicting pain and torture to a guys’ genitals through many different techniques, slapping, kicking, punching, squeezing, smacking, with needles, impact, hot sauce, electricity, and more

Chastity A form of erotic sexual denial or orgasm denial where a person is prevented access to or stimulation of their genitals sometimes by the use of a chastity belt 

Chemical Play Using chemicals to produce sensation – such as tiger balm, menthol, rubbing alcohol, toothpaste, wintergreen oil, Tabasco sauce, ginger, peppermint

Cis gendered This word originates from the Latin-derived prefix cis, meaning “to this the near side” a girly girl or a manly man, CIS means naturally born or given gender. A male who was born with male genitals, a woman who was born with female identified genitals 

Clover Clamp A specific type of nipple clamp with a level mechanism to which a chain is affixed in such a way that pulling increases pressure on the clamp

Cock Milking The practice of forcing a male to discharge semen through the penis through prostrate massage without experiencing a pleasurable orgasm. This can be done in domination humiliation play to arouse, frustrate or humiliate a submissive 

Cock Ring A device put around the penis to keep an erection 

Collar A symbol used to represent a submissive or slave is owned. Can be an actual collar but can also be an anklet, bracelet, or anything the couple decides on 

Collared A sub who has committed to being owned by one particular Master or Dom / Domme 

Compersion The opposite of jealousy, when someone is pleased to see their lover getting sexual pleasure from someone else

Consent Agreeing to certain acts in a BDSM scene or relationship. Practitioners believe that consent is what separates BDSM from assault.

Consent/Nonconsent A sex act that implies rape. One partner is ‘consenting’ to act out a scene of ‘nonconsent’ aka rape 

Contract An arrangement that outlines the rules and structures of a BDSM relationship. It may be written or oral.

Corporal Punishment Punishment involving pain, often through impact, as a means to discipline

Creampie Visuals of male ejaculate dripping, squeezed or overflowing from the vagina or ass hole in which it was ejaculated 

Crop A think flexible tool used for striking, sometimes made from bamboo, wood or acrylic 

Cruise Party A party set up with the purpose of bringing people together who may be interested in hooking up with someone for play 

Cuckhold A man who enjoys watching another man/men have sex with his wife for submissive and erotic humiliation reasons

Cuck Queen The female role who has sex with other men while her partner watches for the means of control and humiliation 

D

D/S D refers to Domination in a Dominant/submissive relationship. The Dominant is usually capitalized while the submissive/sub is kept lowercase to signify the erotic power exchange in the relationship

Dollification Turning into a living dol, often as a desire to be owned, as in Owner/doll which is similar to Master/slave or Dom/sub. This inclused physical traits of stiletto heels, rubber suites, dresses, makeup, etc and metnal traits such as objectification and subservience 

Dom Drop / Top Drop The tops equivalent of sub drop, an emotional condition caused by the drop of adrenaline after a BDSM play scene, it can manifest in a variety of emotional responses include anger or depression 

Daddy Dom A Dom who assumes the role of being more sweet and nurturing and may engage in age play with the submissive 

Dom A dominant who is male.

Domestic Often applied to a submissive who serves in the home cleaning cooking and running the household, this may or may not involve sexual activity 

Domina A dominant who is female and embraces a feminine gender role

Dominatrix A woman who is the dominant who can be a professional for pay, or may live the lifestyle, or engage in BDSM activities

Dominance and submission (D/s) A term for the behaviors or rituals that a submissive person follows in a BDSM relationship. In D/s, one person usually has power over another.

Dominant A person who has the authority in a BDSM relationship or scene.

Domme A female dominant

Drop The physical or emotional exhaustion that takes place after a scene. Both tops and bottoms may experience a drop. Crying, feeling sad, and physical shaking are all signs of a drop. 

Dungeon A location where BDSM play takes place (usually in a person’s home or at a club).

Dungeon Monitor A person (or group of people) who supervises BDSM activities at a club or play party to make sure the acts are safe and consensual.

E

Edging Bringing someone close to the edge of having an orgasm and then sometimes denying the orgasm 

Edge Play BDSM acts that are considered more intense or dangerous. Everyone’s level on the spectrum of BDSM activities is different, but edge play can involve a chance of real physical harm, such as breath play, blood, knives, rope. 

Electro Kink play that involves electrically-charged objects such as violet wants, stun guns, cattle prods

Exhibitionism Exposing oneself or their genitals or engaging in sex acts while others watch 

F

Face Sitting When the Dominant sits on the submissive’s face as part of D/s play 

Failsafe A ‘just in case’ arrangement that allows the bottom to escape from bondage in case of emergency

Female Dominance When a woman takes the dominant role in a BDSM relationship or scene.

Female Submission BDSM activity in which a woman submits to a sexual partner.

Femme A female bodied gay woman who carries very feminine energy and can be mistaken for a straight woman as she wears feminine clothing and makeup 

Fetish An obsession with a specific experience, body part, or object that becomes one of sexual association

Fetish Wear The clothing worn by those who practice BDSM (usually leather attire or other role-playing costumes).  

Figging Inserting a prepared ‘finger’ of ginger root into the anus, the burning sensations is said to bring intense pleasure

Financial Domination This involves a Domme having control over a sub’s finances and spending 

Fire and Ice Play alternating between hot wax and ice or ice water

Fire Play Play involving the use of flammable liquids to create quick, fleeting contacts of flame on the skin 

Foot Fetish Having an erotic attraction for feet, worshiping the foot, kissing it, smelling, massaging, licking, sucking, getting stepped on, etc 

Forced Orgasm An orgasm that is induced on a person against their will 

Furry One who assumes an animal character in play, sometimes with a costume 

G

Gag Any device or object placed in the mouth to prevent a person from speaking or making loud noises and sometimes to hold the mouth open 

Gates of Hell Male chastity device usually made of leather or rubber and used to enclose or restrict the penis and testicles 

Gender Play A type of BDSM play when an individual in a scene takes on the role of the opposite gender.

Gimp A body suit often with a face covering, sometimes with genital openings made of plastic, pvc or leather often used for humiliation or predicament 

Glory Hole A hole cut into a wall or partition in which the penis is inserted in order to receive oral sex or masturbation from an anonymous person on the other side  

Golden Showers Showering a partner with piss. 

Grandmother rule Generally applies to vanilla spaces such as public areas in a hotel where a BDSM event is being held, or heading to a play party at someone’s house, your appearance and conduct should be that if you happened to bump into your grandmother she wouldn’t be shocked 

Greek Anal sex

Gunplay Using actual or simulate firearms in a scene

H

Hair Bondage Technique where the hair is secured in a way as to limit mobility of the head and also done for the sensation it gives

Hard Limits An activity or sexual act that is off-limits

Hedonistic Pursuit of the pleasures 

Heteroflexible A person who identifies as primarily heterosexual but can occasionally find the same sex appealing

Homoflexible A person who identifies as primarily homosexual but can occasionally find the opposite sex appealing

Horse A piece of bondage furniture consisting of a plank supported by two legs on each end where a person may be bent or tied over and flogged or spanked 

Houseboy A submissive who keeps the house clean and may just be a sexual plaything whenever the Dominant wanted

Human Furniture Play where the submissive is directed to assume the role of furniture such as a footstool or table 

Humiliation This involves a sub agreeing to demeaning situations, verbal insults, servitude, cross dressing, and other activities meant to demean and embarrass the sub by their Dom/Domme 

Hypno PlayKink play where a Dom hypnotizes a sub in order to make them believe they are bonded 

I

Impact Play A type of BDSM play that involves striking the body. This can be done with whips, canes, paddles, a hand, flogger, riding crop, or other instrument

Interrogation Play A play scene that includes cross examination or torture 

J

Japanese Bondage A more common term is Shibari, where one partner ties the other in beautiful and intricate patterns of rope as a method of restraint but can also be an art form

K

Kink Nonconventional sexual practices. BDSM is often referred to as kink.

Knife Play This involves using a knife blade to either psychologically induce an adrenaline rush by gliding a knife across the body, or with actual cutting. Considered a form of edge play 

M

Master The person who has control over a slave in a consensual master-slave relationship.

Male Dominance BDSM acts when the dominant partner is a man, also called maledom.

Male Submission BDSM activities when the submissive participant is a man, also referred to as malesub

Masochist An individual who likes or becomes sexually gratified by their own pain or humiliation.

Mentor A trusted guide or coach 

Mummification Immobilizing the body by wrapping it up usually with layers of food film or shrink wrap that creates a feeling of total body helplessness and sometimes used as sensory deprivation 

Munch An informal meeting or party, often at a public place, where people interested in BDSM can mingle and socialize 

N

Needle Play This involves using needles on a partner, involves sticking a needle (temporarily) through a body part or erogenous zone 

Negotiation Prior to the commencement of a scene people talk outside their roles, limits, preferences, and can be a fun fantasy filled conversation. Some draw up contracts 

O

Objectification The subject is dehumanized, treated as an animal, slave, furniture, toy, etc

Omnisexual Being strongly attracted to or aroused by both sexes

Orgasm Denial The dominant partner will bring the submissive close to the brink of orgasm and then back off

Owned When a submissive or slave who is the consensual partner of a Master or Owner, usually in a long-term relationship

P

Painslut A submissive who craves pain 

Pansexual Someone who is attracted to all genders and open to sex with people who identify with any orientation 

Pearl Necklace When a man ejaculates onto the neck and the drops resemble pearls 

Pegging The practice of using a strap on dildo for penetration and usually applied from a female to a male anal act. Sitting on a peg like butt plug with the intent of stretching the anus to facilitate anal sex

Pet Play A submissive is treated like a loved pet, ie puppy or pony

Play A term used to describe the BDSM acts themselves.

Play Party A social gathering where guests can engage in BDSM activity

Player A person who has multiple relationships with multiple people, in the swingers community it is a person who is a participant in the swinging community, in the BDSM community is it someone who is currently participating in a scene at a play party 

Plushie One who plays with stuffed / plush animals, may or may not be a sexual act

Polyamory (Poly) This is considered responsible non-monogamy, where there is a loving, stable and open long term emotional and sexual relationships among more than two people. These are often committed relationships and on-going, sometimes all partners know about all the others and agree to new participants who join their partnership, while other arrangements do not require all participants to be in agreed upon relationships with the other members 

Polysexual Gaving sex with multiple partners without commitment, often done in group parties or orgies 

POV An adult film acronym for point of view where the star is interacting with the viewer by looking directly into the camera 

Power Exchange A situation where two or more people consensually and voluntarily agree to assume authority and yield authority over another 

Predicament Bondage A type of bondage where the intent is to place the bound person in an awkward, difficult, inconvenient or uncomfortable situation 

Pro Domme/Pro Dom A professional top and dominant who dominates and provides service in exchange for pay, may or may not be sexual 

Protocol A rule or rules that people practicing BDSM agree to follow.

Puppy A sub who acts like a puppy for the amusement of their Dom/Domme 

Pony Play Where the submissive takes on the role of a horse, some are into dressage, being paraded around on show, grooming, etc 

Q

Queening When a woman (the queen you must worship) shits on your face, another term for face-sitting, often used in D/s play 

R

RACK Risk Aware Consensual Kink which are BDSM community guidelines on how to make sure everyone is aware of the dangers they consent to

Rape Sexual activity that often ends in sexual intercourse without the consent of all participants and chiefly by force or deception. In the BDSM subculture this is often acted out in a rape fantasy roleplay 

Rimming Licking or inserting the tongue into another’s anus

Ring gag A type of gag consisting of a metal ring which is then placed into the mouth as a way to hold it open

Role Play When one or more people take on a different identity during a scene to fulfill a desire or fantasy. Examples may include teacher-student, doctor-patient, or boss-employee role plays. 

Roman showers Vomiting on another person

Rope Bunny A demo model or bottom in a rope scene such as shibari 

S

Sadism and Masochism This subset of BDSM involves inflicting pain or humiliation for the purpose of pleasure or sexual gratification.

Sadist A person who enjoys or becomes sexually aroused by inflicting pain or humiliation on someone else.

Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC) This phrase describes what the BDSM community considers ethical behavior. Kink enthusiasts stress that activities must always be safe, sane, and consensual.

Safe Word An agreed upon word or phrase that a bottom, sub, or slave can say during a scene to stop the activity or session immediately. Some common safe words are “red,” “red light,” “pineapple,” “banana,” or “mercy”. “Stop” is not a common safe word. 

S.A.M. In Gay male subculture this stands for “Stand and Model” posing in leather usually ata. Leather bar. In the scene, this stands for “Smart Ass Masochist” or “brat”  who is deliberately disobedient and disrespectful to their dominant to provoke punishment 

Safe Call A prearranged call to let a friend know you are okay especially in first meeting situations 

Sapiosexuality The attraction or arousal by intelligence 

Scat Play involving defecation, crap, poop, shit 

Sensory Deprivation Using various objects such as blindfolds, ear plugs, etc to deprive the subject of one or more senses, may be used to enhance other senses such as touch or create insecurity and often used in pushing limits or fostering increased trust

Sensual Dom A Dom that is more sweet and nurturing 

Service-Oriented A person who gains pleasure from and enjoys performing services, may be sexual or nonsexual, BDSM related or not

Service Top A top who is focused more on giving the bottom what they desire over their own pleasure and interest 

Sex Magick A sex act done as part of a ritual with a non-sexual purpose 

Soft Limits An activity limit which is more flexible than a hard limit. It might be an act that a person hesitates to perform or is scared to engage in, but may be willing to try.  

Scene A designated time frame where the BDSM activities or encounters occur. This can be structured with protocols and take place in dungeon or club, or at someone’s house, a hotel, or other designated location. 

Session A date/meeting/play time otherwise known as a scene but generally less structured. 

Shibari A western name for Kinbaku, a type of bondage originating in Japan and characterized by extremely elaborate and intricate patterns of rope, often uset to restrain the subject and to stimulate the subject by compressing the breasts or genitals, the aesthetics are considered to be very important 

Singletail A whip that has a single lash and require skill and training to use properly

Sissy A male sub who uses feminization and dressing as a girl to reach a different emotional or mental state 

Slave A person who gives up control of one or more parts of their life to a master.

Snakewhip A small singletail whip that does not have the rigid handle of a bull whip and also has a cracker attached to a fall 

Snowballing The act of kissing another with a mouth full of cum and transferring it to them 

Sounding rods/sound A rod usually made of metal, sometimes beaded, meant for insertion into the urinary passage and sometimes comes in graduates sizes. Used for expanding and stretching the urethra 

Spotter A person who monitors the safety of the submissive in a scene, most commonly used for complex bondage and suspension scenes 

SSC This stands for keeping activities Safe Sane and Consensual, which the BDSM community stresses in making sure that everyone feels happy and fulfilled in only experiencing the pain and activities they desire with actual and long lasting harm 

Sub Drop An emotional condition following intense BDSM play that may involve a variety of emotions from sadness and clinginess to anger, can happen immediately after play or hours after play and can often be prevented by immediate aftercare from a session

Submissive / Sub Someone who submits to a dominant person in a BDSM relationship or scene. Submissive can be shortened to sub. The submissive sets their boundaries and everything is pre-negotiated 

Subspace A dream like or trance like state of peace that may be accompanied by feelings of security, safety and floating thoughts which a submissive can feel while they are engaged in a BDSM scene 

Swinging Non monogamous recreational sex with the consent, knowledge and often reciprocal participation of one’s partner. This often does not include a romantic relationship with the swinging partner and can be just one night, at a swinging party, event, or otherwise one off act 

Switch A person who will assume either role of a top and or a bottom in a BDSM scene.

T

Tease and Denial Keeping another person aroused to keep them in a continual state of anticipatory tension or heightened sensitivity 

TENS Unit A device that applies electrical currents through pads affixed to the skin, often used in the medical community to relieve pain by blocking impulses through the nerves. Stands for Transconductance Electrical Nerve Stimulation

Toilet A bottom who wishes to be used for toilet-related activities

Top The person who performs the BDSM acts in a scene.

Topping From the Bottom When a bottom tries to control a scene even though it was agreed that the top would be in charge.

Total Power Exchange (TPE) A relationship where a sub grants full and complete control, authority and decision making power to their Dom/Domme, the most extreme form of 24/7

Transgendered Having a gender that does not match ones born with genitalia. Binary gender system that may include surgical, hormonal, or nonhormonal changes that result in a gender identity different from the one assigned at birth 

Transexual A person who has strong desires to become the opposite of their birth sex, may undergo chemical treatments or surgery to change their appearance 

Transvestite A person who behaves or dresses in a manner generally associated with the opposite sex – not necessarily an indication of their sexual partner preference 

Tribadism, tribbing An act of two women rubbing their vulvas together (slang for scissoring, clit-clattering, clam jousting, touchin tacos, mashin cookies, bumpin donuts, gash mashing)

Trick The person one hooks up with for sex or play, sort of like a fuck buddy who probably isn’t a long term partner 

Troll A person who uses online resources primarily as a source for prospective partners, may pretend they are experienced in BDSM when they are not

24 - 7 A D/s relationship where the dominant partner controls nearly all aspects of a submissive partner’s life, according to terms negotiated in advance and can involve a contract based on agreed upon details 

U

Unicorn the elusive bi-female who is willing to join a couple for the MFF threesome 

V

Vanilla Used by people in the BDSM community to label sexual behavior that doesn’t involve kink.

Violet Wand A device used for electrical play that contains a high-voltage coil and several interchangeable electrodes most commonly made of glass and filled with a glass that glows a brilliant color and causes a static electricity discharge that can be intense and used to stimulate another often in a painful sense 

Voyeurism A voyeur is someone who enjoys watching others have sex or undress or perform an act that gets them off. Sort of like a peeping tom, 

W

Wartenberg Wheel A little metal pinwheel lined with spikes that can be run over a partners erogenous zones for stimulation

Watersports Play that involves urination, also referred to as golden shower 

Wax Play When the top drips hot wax onto the bottom 

White Knight A dominant who desires to rescue damsels in distress, submissives who may have unmet emotional needs from childhood, relationships or rape 

Y

Yoni A Hindu term used for the vagina 

Z

Zentai A socially popular subculture derivative from Japan - Zentai is a skintight stretchy full body suit often made from nylon or spandex, that covers everything. Zentai means different things to different people - for some it is anonymity, for others, it means liberation from judgment. Wearing the Zentai suit takes away or diminishes the senses at the same time it warps them, since touch, sight, smell, is hampered, emotions become heightened. Often worn for events, grinding parties, in dance, or cosplay, they heighten the fetish, kink and bondage experience

Zipper An arrangement of clothespins or spring clamps tied along a length of cord which is placed on the body and then yanked off 

Art is a Journey Into the Subconscious

Every piece of art tells a thousand stories, and the magic that lies therein is the freedom for you to create your own; associate, identify and formulate your own comprehension of the story being told. 

Art taps into the desires that live in the subconscious 

“Everyone looks at an image with their own opinion,” says Coner. “That’s why my images don’t have a name or a title. The name is left for the viewer to create. I don’t want to try and explain the image, that kills the viewers story. It robs them of their fantasy. Everyone is different therefore; every scenario is different.

I want the viewer to come up with their own solution as to why they’re drawn to the image. Everyone looks at it like its their own opinion. I don’t want to present it as my story because it won’t match their story and the viewer is part of the reason why I create art. In a piece of art there are three participants: the photographer, the model, and the viewer. 

Just like BDSM means something different to each person, and the reasons we get into it are different, my explanations for an image is going to be different for me than it is for every viewer who sees it” ~ Coner, September 2020   

 “Art is the instinctive application of the knowledge latent in the subconscious” ~ Austin Osman Spare 

The human mind consists of the conscious, the subconscious, and the superconscious; each has a different function. The conscious mind includes everything we are aware of, our physical plane, tangible touch, smell, sight, hearing, the analytical and logical. The subconscious is where feelings, thoughts, urges, perceptions and memories are stored. While the superconscious is the collective unconscious, infinite intelligence, oversoul, universal mind, ancient wisdom, intuition, and where deep-seated feelings lie.

The subconscious is where we go for art, music, and poetry. Great artists, philosophers, composers and musicians like Einstein, Van Gogh, DaVinci, Bach, Mozart all tapped deep into the subconscious to access creativity more authentic and powerful than anything found at the conscious level. 

“Imagination and creativity lie in the subconscious” ~ Sigmund Freud 

Freud explained the subconscious as the source of imagination and creativity which influenced Surrealism art. The Surrealist art movement is like peering into a window of the minds deepest thoughts, uncensored and unfiltered. Surrealists like Salvador Dali, Max Ernst, Yves Tangu were motivated by a revolution against the oppressive constraints of society ruled by the rational mind, and tapped into their subconscious though automatism: a dream-like state where thoughts are able to freely associate and collaborate with one another through visual creativity. This process wakes up the subconscious and influences the conscious mind, manifesting as art itself.  The Surrealist Manifesto (1924) by Andre Breton explains “Art reunites the subconscious and conscious experiences completely so that the dream and fantasy world unite.” 

When viewing art, we’re essentially wading through our conscious mind into the threshold of our subconscious. 

The viewer also taps into their own subconscious when their mind engages in the viewing. Art offers a path, sort of like a hallway between the doors of the conscious mind to experience, process, and guide the way through the subconscious where they begin to explore their desires, thoughts, feelings, and prompts them to question what they perceive as themselves in time and space.

“If I can hold a viewers’ gaze for more than 30 seconds, I feel like I’ve accomplished something,” ~ Coner 

In that space between the conscious mind and the subconscious the art makes us think, it makes us feel, it stirs up emotions, the mind of the viewer creates a story that only the viewer has an intimate connection with.

So the next time your eyes take in a piece of art, imagery, or photograph, or you go perusing across the pages of an artists gallery, let the art free your mind from the constraints of your consciousness and give your imagination permission to begin a playful journey into your subconscious until you reach that transcendental state where your story develops. Some do this through meditation, others through music, and others, through art. 

As Einstein said, “Logic can take you from point A to point B, but imagination can take you anywhere.” 

The power of submission

“Some of the deepest relationships are formed when one person appears to be in complete control over another” ~ Richard Rudd, The Gene Keys

There is power in submitting that rivals some of the most powerful emotions I’ve ever felt. I’m not sure if it’s the act of letting go, complete surrender, the trust that comes along with it, or a combination of all the above, but submission connects my body, mind and soul in a way not much else does.

When I first heard this chapter in The Gene Keys, (guided insight to developing our genuine self), these sentiments helped me understand my own evolution through kink. Why did submitting to another make me feel like I had ‘come home’ almost full circle after my sexual journey meandered through recreational domination, cuckholding and into Pro.

Why do some of us desire complete submission to another?

There is a paradoxical power play going on between female dominants and male submissives; it doesn’t quite fit standard gender roles. Yet, diving deeper into domination / submission, those in kink know this has little to do with gender and is more about finding one’s ideal partner. Stereotypical societal norms become irrelevant and the dynamics that manifest are those on physical plane and a psychological one. Physically, one person appears to have control and power over another, while psychologically, emotions like trust, vulnerability, and authority emerge.

Humans have a primal desire to either control, or submit to another. This may shift depending on the different roles we play in life but we are in a constantly state of power play throughout our many relationships: between boss and employee, husband and wife, parent and child, dog and owner, bourgeoisie and proletariat, authority and subordinate, you get the idea. Human behavior is such that we identify as one or another in our interactions.

In dominant and submissive kink partnerships, even more prominent forces are embodied though activities such as high protocol, dungeon scenes, bdsm sessions, or in bondage, all of which requires embodied levels of competency, skill, efficacy, and chemistry. And when two people find their match all this will flow naturally and gracefully.

“When both are equally in service to the other … mutual benefit and balance transcends into complete wholeness.”

Embracing my submission filled a void I had suppressed my entire life. While surrender made me feel vulnerable; exposing my physical self to the disposition of another while reigning in psychological fear they won’t go too far, requires courage and trust. My ego becomes more aligned with my shadows, mental chatter screeches to a halt and my world cancels out everything but the here and now.

Willingly handing over our power knowing the other has full ability to destroy or abandon us, yet doesn’t, creates a profound sense of acceptance, and acceptance not only makes us feel like a complete human, it forms an irreplaceable bond of trust between a dominant and submissive. Rudd explains this as “finding the mirror to one’s self.”

“When we find our match we discover our true power.”

Although it may appear the Dominant has control, those involved in domination / submission know this isn’t the full picture. When the dominant meets their opposite in a willing submissive, they feel empowered by the submissive’s courage to willingly hand over control who naturally and with matching desire mirrors the dominate force. Both dominant and submissive surrender to each other and emulate each other as if they were made for one another.

Both dominant and submissive have found their muse.  

When both forces feed each others innate desires a transcendence occurs. They won’t be able to replicate this feeling with another. They may form other bonds with other partners, but the one they form together is unique, and is one of the deepest known to man. This type of equal partnership reflects the polarity of the universe inherent in every single element.  Inky blackness will only find its rival in brilliant white light. The brutal cold of winter melts under the searing heat of summer. There is unmatched unity in the surrender of one to another as opposite poles meet in the reflection of the other.

“powerful enough to be life-altering.”

When a dominant finds their perfect submissive, their complete second half, their match, they have found the yin to their yang and many imbalances seem to disappear. That’s why time feels irrelevant when you’re with your muse, it’s because time really does disappear. Your universe becomes one of completeness and synarchy, your polarity is fulfilled and life becomes your oyster. 

Additional reading: 

The Gene Keys by Richard Rudd

The Kyballion by The Three Initiatives